The Now.

Every story deserves closure. So it would be unfair to not give you the details of where I stand today. It has been a long and difficult journey of 22 years and there's hopefully a long way to go ahead.

Year 2018 was a time of self introspection, better writing and just being a better person. I knew I had to improve certain things about myself but I didn't know how and where to begin.

There were moments when I felt like running back to Varun but I curbed myself. My friends really helped. But the most difficult part was done by me. I decided not to believe in love anymore. Wrong, I know but that is what felt right at that time. I couldn't hurt myself more in investing my time and energy in people who were not made for me. 

Hence a phase passed when I chose the option of casually dating people. The one thing I hated the most, I fell back upon that to protect myself from the hurt. What harm could a few tinder dates do, right? Many random swipes later, I found myself on a date with a stranger I didn't even know properly.

I was scared and it was evident and things didn't end well. But it didn't stop me from more of such dates with different people and before I could realize, I had started opening up to people with whom I had no prior bonding. Slowly, tinder dates became a solace from my loneliness. It was all about having a fun evening with an interesting person.

I was rocked back to my senses when I was sexually harassed on one such date. Maybe sexual harassment would be a really big term for it but I for one thing knew that I didn't give my consent to whatever happened. Thankfully, I was saved and I came back home safely. I didn't talk about it to anyone because I was scared that people would blame me for going out on a date with a random stranger I met on the internet.

That was the end of the dating experience. I realized that I wasn't really made for casual dates because people on those apps looked for physical relationships rather than building an emotional connection with the other person and I wasn't one of those people who would be comfortable with such an arrangement.

I would not say that tinder is a bad place. It's good for people who are good with it. I am not a judgemental person but I know what I want and don't want in life and I had realized that tinder is not suitable for me. 

But the most humorous part of this tinder journey is the fact that I super liked my current boyfriend on tinder. And, no, he isn't one of those random guys I swiped right on. The reason we super liked each other was because we were batchmates in school. We were friends and had been friends and acquaintances for 10 years!

I had often found him funny and we really gelled well and this was even before I knew or met Varun. Arjun was a friend. In fact, he was aware of every relationship I had and I often used to complain to him about how no man comes in my life to stay.

He had also gone through a bad break up and also other setbacks in life and I felt that he somehow understood what I was going through. Also, he had a humorous way to make me understand things. 

The idea of dating each other wasn't a conscious thought in either of our minds. We weren't ready to date anyone. At least I wasn't and hence I ignored all the visible signs of how well we bonded. But now and then it would come up either through him, asking all the right questions or through my friends telling me that he should be the one I should be dating. But all of these were casual or so I thought.

I later found out Arjun (The fictional name I gave him) had liked me since a long time but didn't have the heart to ask me out. He didn't want our friendship to be spoilt. It was me who had this strange epiphany (kind of 😂) one day and I realized that the idea wasn't that bad. So I asked him if he'd like to go on a date. It was a very casual conversation. I was not even serious.

But he agreed and things escalated from there. Now, it was difficult to think about a relationship again with such heavy emotional baggage. But I found my way and the biggest support came from him. He knew I needed to heal and he made it clear that he would wait.

I have not seen a person like Arjun. He brought out sides of me I didn't even know existed. And the best thing about him (there are many) is the way he never gives up and makes sure that he communicates with me.

We generally don't fight but when they occur, he has his way of solving things by discussion. I know I can get ugly in love but he knows how to tame that ugly side of me and he doesn't love me less for it. 

We don't have much in common but we often find a middle ground and that makes me happy. He's all in for making efforts for the people he loves and I love that about him. I owe him for bringing me back into the light. 

Varun exists in the deepest darkest corner of my heart. But Arjun is everywhere else. I love him like I've never loved anyone else. 

I'm currently 22 years old and pursuing a Master's degree in Literature from BHU. I am generally a fun person to be with. I still write to calm the raging thoughts in my head. I love writing and the idea of building a career in writing is an enticing dream. But I've always wanted to be an enabler. I want to enable people to educate themselves. I have invented this job profile for myself. I would like a teaching job but I want to be an enabler more than an educator.

I have a knack for many things and I keep doing them even though I'm not good at it. One of such activities is singing. I've never received any formal training in singing but it runs in my blood. My mother is a very good singer and I'm glad I can sing. I may not be perfect but I love singing. 

In fact, music is an inseparable part of my life. I find my calm in music. It helps me put my thoughts in order. I also love cooking and feeding people. I like the way people smile after having a good meal and hence I love to cook for people. And since I cook, I'm also a die hard foodie. I love exploring new food.

Apart from this, I've a habit of wandering into new places, trying to find something new. I also admire photography. I've tried my hand at it but I'm no good but I appreciate the art form and the people who click those photographs.

So that is my not so boring life. I now stand tall and proud. I've come a long way and it wasn't easy, battling so many issues, getting hurt for all the wrong reasons and what not. But I've made it through; wounded but alive and breathing.

I plan to make the most of this time that I get to have in this lifetime. I have big dreams that I'd like to see getting fulfilled someday. I hope I survive. I just hope I'm happy and I'm able to spread this happiness everywhere I go.

Note to readers: I'm currently in love with the life I have made for myself and it gives me immense joy to share my story with the world. Thank you for showing interest in my life.

:)